
One of the things I was worried most about when I created this blog was the idea that I'd start it up and forget about it. There's nothing I hate more than an abandoned blog. So what did I do? Exactly what I was worried about. Obviously. Classic target fixation.

What am I stuck on? Well mostly the verticaltubejig.com website. Also the drawing robot too, but the most pressing thing at the moment is the lure website. I can't do everything at once, the only thing I really can do is focus on one thing at a time until I see the needle move.

I have fallen really hard into a perfectionism about the photos of the lures. To me, I feel like I can drive more engagement and loiter time on my site with good images, as well as the templates built in social sharing icons. The natural human tendency of "hey look at that!" is something I hope to use to my advantage.

One of the counter-intuitive solutions to this anxiety is compassion, not anger. Instead of being angry at myself for falling short of my unrealistic goals, I'm trying a new thing where I give myself a break. I am understanding of the reasons around not making things work correctly.

It's really hard to take good pictures of shiny lures. I've made some good progress though, I have a small lightbox and enough can lights to shake a stick at. I have a rat nest of power strips that looks straight out of christmast story. It's so close. All I want are nice crisp photos of lures that are on a white background. The aesthetic will be worth it, I keep telling myself.

I started writing this yesterday but I got distracted. I just ticked the date up one, and I'm back now to finish it. I have compassion for the fact that it happened. It's not ideal. It's not what I want. It is better than the dead, abandoned blog that this was becoming though. I don't have to update every day, but I do have to update.

More to come on the lure website soon. Pictures are so close. One thing at a time till the needle moves.


Mat Gilbert

Goals and dreams persist but the obstacles continue to manifest. I'm not special it's just life.

Stuck again


I took another one of my favorite things, and tried to turn it into a monetizable project.

The keyword here is tried, and I want to correct myself realtime and emphasize that it has to be I am trying, not I tried.

It's easy to sit down and find joy and creativity in making unique and creative art pieces. It's really hard to force myself to make 30 of them, multiple sets of a particular pattern to go with the corresponding lures.

It's like I'm taking the natural progression of videogame customization to my fishing lures, I am providing premium visual assets to those with a taste and budget for the finer things in life.

For the past few weeks I have been able to find energy to edit video, but not to go tie hooks. I have a few sets I need to make and I've only worked through one. They are not difficult to make, the problem is that it's really difficult to make time for them.

Finding time to prioritize my business that I want to succeed so badly is too difficult? I feel a lot of guilt, shame and self-resentment around my inability to size this incredible opportunity.

Realistically I am jugging a lot of things right now. Instead of focusing on my lure business I'm also working to resurrect another side project while I have help from someone else to keep it pointed in the right direction. It's a confluence of two important factors: someone who can help, and space to lay out the work in full to minimize context switching. Having a dedicated space to work with purpose is very effective so far.

I think the real problem is that tying these hooks is something I enjoy, and I find it difficult to enjoy things like this when things outside of my control are making my life difficult.

It's hard to make art in a foxhole. Finding meaningful work is what makes me psychologically feel like I am in a warzone. The metaphor is strained but the PTSD I have from unprofressional experiences at work is real. I've never been shot at but then again most people aren't on the ND spectrum so we are in a way both up against often unseen and dangerous threats.

I am trying really, really hard to stay focused each day, but something new comes up and the ability to stay focused matters less than attending to the current crisis. I want to be diligent, I really do.

I have to get the thorn out of my paw or I can never run, hunt or survive. There is no amount of "dealing with it" that I can muster up that will cause the very real injury to heal without addressing the root cause.

Until some sort of mireacle happens where I achieve more time and mental clarity to work on the projects that matter to me, things will be slow but steady. Sometimes sputtering and chaotic, but always forward.

I want the lure thing to work, I want the robot drawing thing to work, and I want VT2U to become something more than just me kayak fishing alone. The collab episodes give me hope for the future that not only can I be tolerated, but I can be enjoyed and celebrated.

I need to go tie some hooks and get some rest. I need to tie hooks tomorrow and the day after that till the batches are done. I need to get this done ASAP and get the store up yesterday. I feel a sense of urgency that outstrips any reasonable capacity I have to deliver. I feel like I'm never going to  be able to make it happen and the pressure of that is really unbearable at times.

I need to be compassionate for myself or I will never get these things done.

I need to go tie some hooks and get some rest.

Turning a passion project into a business is fraught with danger and failure, yet we do it anyway.

matgilbert.com

fishing

Stuck again

Scaling is Hard

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